...a Great Perhaps

We are all looking. We are all waiting. We all need that "something".

When I look back on my past, I feel like I have not achieved anything. Not one single thing that I set up for myself when I was leaving High School. I was so focused on to achieve my goals and reach my desires, I wanted to so much, that at the end I'm still where I was 6 years ago. Looking and waiting for that something, that great perhaps.

We all want it. We all crave for it. We would die for it.

Love. The one thing that has the power to heal and hurt at the same time.  Love is the mutual feelings shared between two people. The uniting of two souls. When one side "loves" and the other does not that is called unconditional love. It is not the unity of souls rather the disengagement of your own soul from yourself. And that is what hurts a person most, because you lose your soul in the process.

All of the above were my own thoughts and feelings after reading "Looking for Alaska". I understood Miles (or Pudge). I knew how he felt. I could relate to feeling worthless, then worthwhile and then losing that feeling altogether, that at the end you feel nothing at all. I understood his regrets and him praying for forgiveness. When reading, I was Miles.

Hopefully one day someone look for me. Heal me. Make the future brighter then it is now. And that is what keeps me going, that little bit of hope inside....that little hope that Miles has throughout the book.

Favourite Quote: "Thomas Edison's last words were: "It's very beautiful over there." I don't know where there is, but I believe it's somewhere, and I hope it;s beautiful."

Letting Go...

Sometimes in life there are moments when you wish that you can delete a memory from your life forever. But you can’t. It is not a sad memory, opposite even. It’s usually those happy memories that bring you sadness. It’s the loss of happiness that makes you unhappy. You can’t turn back time and re-live that memory ever again, nor can you be happy ever again. People come, people go. But when memories are made they stay forever.

Sometimes very rarely life gives you a second chance.  A second chance at happiness. Do you take it? Or do you throw it away? If you take it, there is a great chance that you may lose that happiness once and for all. If the pain of the first memory was ruthless, then losing the second one would be worse. Love and happiness may fade but scars never do. But then there’s the chance at happiness again if you do take it. Do you risk the chance of forming greater scars with this acceptance at happiness? Or do you protect yourself from greater unhappiness by declining this second chance?

“By the River Piedra I sat down and Wept,” is just that. It is a book of love and second chances. It’s about forgiveness. It’s about scars and longing. It’s about loss and findings. Most importantly it is about healing.

Sometimes I wish I could throw away my memories and pain away, so I can finally forget. Forget pain. Forget sorrow. Forget tears.

We all look for love. We all have lost love. We all don’t believe in love anymore. With this book I realized true love means surrendering. Setting free of “the other” to find oneself. To love is to let go.

With one of the greatest ever opening paragraphs in a book I have ever read this book in one word is just beautiful.

“By the River Piedra I sat down and wept. There is a legend that everything falls into the waters of this river – leaves, insects, the feathers of bird – is transformed into the rocks that make the riverbed. If only I could tear out my heart and hurl it into the current, then my pain and longing would be over, and I could finally forget.”